I was saved when I was 9 years old. I gave the Lord my heart and part of me but not complete control. I grew up in a Christian home and always believed that God was there for me but never really understood about the relationship part of it. Our conversations were pretty one sided most of the time…. I was the prodigal daughter several times. But with the prayers of my parents and the Holy Spirit calling me I always came back home to God.

I have been married and divorced three times. Looking back now and understanding that God is the only one that can complete me and can be all that I need, I understand that no man could ever meet my true need to be completely loved. I also see that “I” made the selections of who to marry based on check list items I thought were important, not seeking out God’s plan or the “one” He planned for me.

My first marriage lasted 8 years. I married my high school love. I thought he was the one. But looking back there were several factors that pushed me to make that decision prematurely. I was a rebellious teenager; my parents at the time were very strict. I was not allowed to go to the school dances or even my prom. I was not allowed to go to the movies. So when I did get out of the house I acted out with drinking, drugs, and promiscuity with my boyfriends. I had sometimes wished my parents would get a divorce so I could live with my Dad because I thought he would be less strict and more understanding….Then it actually happened my parents were going thru a divorce and it was my senior year in high school. This really rocked my world. I was not prepared for all feelings I had about it. I felt like everything I knew to be true and real and solid, basically what I could count on, was gone. How could this happen and why did it have to happen? Yes I went to live with my Dad but it was not what I expected. He was working all the time and I was cleaning and cooking and paying the bills….this is not what I had signed up for. So after school was out I decided to leave and go to my boyfriend’s house in Nashville. I had dated him since the 10^th grade but the summer before our senior year his father got a job and they had to move. So I tried to run away from all my loneliness and guilt by going to him. We ended up getting married in October 1974, just a few months after graduation. We had a tumultuous marriage to say the least. He was not ready to settle down really. He was not satisfied with just one woman. We were way too young and did not really understand all that marriage was or should be. He had affairs often, changed jobs often, and kept getting mixed in with the wrong group of friends and getting into trouble. I was sometimes sucked into trouble with him. We tried to move back to Mississippi when my Mom decided to sell her house as she was remarrying. We thought a new place and a fresh start would help us, but no, it was not the answer. The same patterns repeated themselves. We were moving farther and farther away from God. One night I was working as a bartender and he walked in and told me he no longer wanted to be married, he was leaving with another girl, and going to Texas. I was again devastated. The person I had run to for security from my parents was abandoning me. I felt utterly alone. Instead of calling out to God at this time I turned to another man. Eventually he came back and we tried to get back together but could not seem to get past our mistakes. He went back to Nashville and finally I followed. We both got a job and we started going to church. Finally we were headed in the right direction again. This church had a witnessing ministry in Daytona Beach and asked us to join so we did. This was a great time in our life together. We really became close to the Lord and started to see that it was more than just rules it was love. Later we went back to Nashville and we were called to start a children’s ministry and we traveled around to various churches, revival meetings, and such to minister to children sharing the gospel thru puppets. It was great. Then I got pregnant and we were encouraged to keep it close to home and work in our ministry in our local church. This beautiful little girl brought great joy to our lives. She was the sunshine on a cloudy day. Life was great for a while until…. in the disguise of funding for our ministry thru a company that did bingo games and gave percentages of the profits to non-profit organizations, the devil succeeded in derailing the ministry. We sought counsel from our pastor and were not given clear direction. So my husband decided this was bingo venture was a good idea. But the more we came to know these people that were running this company the worse it got. They were not following the Lord they were into all kinds of other businesses like pornography and drugs and tried to get us to join in all that. I was not having it by my husband went down the wrong path. This type of pattern continued for another four years. He would not or could not walk away from the temptations of drugs, alcohol and women. He was not providing for his family. He finally was arrested on some serious drug charges and was given the choice of joining the service or going to jail. He chose the Navy. By this time we had another child on the way. My sweet son was born right before Christmas. Again he brought great joy to our lives and was a ray of hope in a lonely time. My husband was stationed in California and we moved there to join him. We tried to hold it together. But again he got in with the wrong group of sailors and got into trouble. Trouble seemed to follow him wherever he went. He was finally dishonorably discharged. Our children were 4 and 2 years old at the time and I had enough. I asked him for a divorce and we moved to southern California with my Dad.

I realized that I had two children and myself to support. All of a sudden I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. There were physical, emotional and financial needs to be met. I was overwhelmed. However, I knew that I had to work to make enough to meet our needs and was determined to do so. So I went on welfare for a couple of years which enabled me to go back to school, get a degree in Computer Information Systems, keep my kids in a good daycare/school, and put food on the table.

I started working in 1986 in that field and have continued ever since. God has blessed and protected us all through the years of struggle and disappointments but also joyful times. He provided opportunities for me at work, which were definitely miracles and enabled me to not only provide the basics for my children but a good life. My children were the joy in my life. They grew strong and worked hard. They both accepted Jesus as their savior at young ages. They still follow Him today.

I was going thru my second marriage, trying to survive but still feeling alone. I realized that I was not the only one in need of help. God was working in my life and put me in a job at Focus on the Family where my relationship with God really grew. I began to develop a heart to help other women in similar situations as mine. I started reaching out in small ways, such as collecting women’s clothing and donating it to a local women’s help center. I did not realize then this was the start of something more…

When focus on the Family decided to move their offices to Colorado I was going thru my second divorce. Again I had not chosen well when deciding on my second husband. He was a good provider and when he was sober he was a good man. I tried to get him to go to church with us and I let him see God working in my life. We had the kids in Christian school…but instead of being drawn toward God, he started drinking heavily. It got to the point that as soon as he was in the door at 5pm he started drinking and did not stop until he went to bed. He became an angry and bitter man every night. There was a bit of physical abuse but mostly it was mental abuse. A few times, in the middle of the night I had to take the kids and go to a hotel so we would be safe. Finally, after five years of marriage he asked me to leave. At that point I was happy to. I had been praying that God would help and protect us and provide a way for us to leave. I wanted my children in a better environment. So we came back to the south, to Alabama, which was in between where my Mom lived in Mississippi and my Dad lived in Georgia.

With God’s help I was able to buy a house and put my kids in a Christian school. Life was going well. I decided to go to a reunion at my old Church in Mississippi and was reunited with a guy I dated in high school very briefly. He was a Music pastor. I thought well this should be much better since he is a Christian and serving God in this way. But he was not all that he pretended to be. He was pretending to follow God but not living it. We were married and soon it began, I started to see things that were not right. He started lying about little insignificant things. He started changing jobs frequently and could not seem to stay at a church for very long. He was working in sales as well and those jobs never seemed to last long either. Then he started having affairs…..well I was mad, mostly at myself and at the Church. I was not mad at God. I was mad at the lies and hypocrisy. I was mad that I had let this happen again. I was just plain mad. So after trying to go to counseling and working things out I called it quits. He refused to change his behavior. Instead of reaching out to the Church for help and guidance, I felt I had to run from it, which is what I did. I remember sitting on the couch one day just crying at the irony of it all. I was close to turning 40 and realizing my life was changing again. I realized that my kids were getting close to high school graduation and would soon be going off to college. I felt alone again. I still talked to God. I still prayed that He would help me, however, I was not listening. I was not in a place where I could hear what he was saying to me.

At this point I went into what I call a brief mid-life crisis. Once again I was the prodigal daughter running to the wrong places to get healing. I wanted the pain and the fear of loss and change to end. So I tried to stop it with partying and men. I was so confused and in so much pain at the time I thought that this was the way to fill the void I still felt deep inside. There was a longing that was always there since I was a little girl that I could not fill no matter what I did. Even in the times when I was closest to God it still was not completely gone. Well this crazy time in my life ended in about six months. I repented to God and asked my kids to forgive me too. I will say this that God is faithful beyond human comprehension. After all the craziness and running away He is always there for me, always calling me back, and like the good shepherd he always came looking for His lost sheep. My children also have been a constant in my life. They gave me inspiration and a reason to get thru the hard times. They gave me hope. When I would look in those beautiful eyes of theirs and see the faith and hope and trust they had in me I knew that God had called me to be strong and carry on. He had called me to train them up in the way of the Lord and promised that if I did, when they were old they would not depart from Him. He gave me the great gift of salvation at a young age but it took me over 50 years of trying it my own way before I finally surrendered all to Him. I finally let go and quit trying to be in control. I finally realized that only God could complete me. Nothing and no one else could do that. You know that deep longing in my heart that never felt fulfilled, well it was Him. It was longing and thirsting for Him. Finally I have found it and I am walking and living in that fulfillment now.

After the mid-life crisis, I found a new church, Bay Community. I completely through myself into seeking God with abandon. I still cannot get enough of God. I love Him so….Soon God began drawing me to help women in a more personal way so that they would not have to go thru what I did alone. I started hosting support groups and Bible study meetings in my home for women. Then God started sending women to me that needed help, some in crisis situations. Then one day God called me to start a women’s center, a place where women can receive love and acceptance whatever their need. The calling/mission is to encourage, support, empower and restore all women in Christ. To help them become the unique women God created them to be and begin walking in their God given destiny. God wants them to know that He is their husband and their provider. He is the one that will fill the deep longings in their heart. I want them to have a mentor/advisor to hold their hand and help them thru healing, restoration and onto solid ground. God gave me these scriptures on which His work is founded.

Psalm 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and He heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to my God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed and put their trust in the Lord.”

This is what God did for me and I know that He will do it for all women. As God leads I will do my part to assist.